we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize