Your tits are I can't wait for
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
