He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
