I hate your face
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
