Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
