I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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