WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
