Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
where are you?
Hypothermia
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
