yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
