I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
