it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
