It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
