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you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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