Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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