alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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