My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
