I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
