Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
