So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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