Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
