I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if only i could text you this smell
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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