I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize