Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize