I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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