last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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