I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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