She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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