Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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