I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
