I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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