Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
