Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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