p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
