Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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