Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
