sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize