3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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