The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
