she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
