walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
