He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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