Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
