Is it normal to miss your booty call?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize