when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
