and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
