My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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