Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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