I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
handjob tips. give me some.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
