I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
