My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
