Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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