need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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