dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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