First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The power of my boobs compel you
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
