There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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