he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize