Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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