Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
