nut hugger
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
