i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
