the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
