I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
