Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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