I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
