God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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