I wish I could teleport
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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