i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize