to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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