I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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