the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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