forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
