Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
