I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
