i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize