My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
