so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
