i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
