Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
