Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
