she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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