Barsexuality is the new black.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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