Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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