First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
