He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
