there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
