Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
so much tequila, so little girl.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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