i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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