Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
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