so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
