Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
