i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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