Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
