Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
