i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
