Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize