I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
