worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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