yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
