just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
