I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
