why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
