Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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