like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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