He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
