Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
