oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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