She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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