So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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