I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize