i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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