I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
