brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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