I'm really into asian looking animals
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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