i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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