you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
