I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
