If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm at about main and main street
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
