I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
