Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Who died my cat blue again?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize