I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
