hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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