you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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