If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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