Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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