So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
