I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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