when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Randomize
