Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
