"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
