Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
