You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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